Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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