thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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