she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
