these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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