i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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