:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
