He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
