My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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