I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She's the barista slut.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
