I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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