her vagine was all disorganized.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
