i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
