So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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