remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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