a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
