i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
