so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
