I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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