After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
