Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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