Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
