the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize