he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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