Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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