HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
