So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
