In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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