I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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