i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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