i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
