you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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