Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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