Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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