my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
