Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Two words: nipple clamps
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