The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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