ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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