please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
