your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
