the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
