I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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