shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
