just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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