I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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