bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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