I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
