Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
