i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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