She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
