he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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