Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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