I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
