i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
