I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
