there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
