all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
