I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
