we made out on top of his cat.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
