ya dads aren't the best wingmen
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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