The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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