There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
