I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
