On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
