Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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