theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
