Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
