Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
