I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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