He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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