I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
