Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
