so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
