tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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