ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
