I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
