I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
