How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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