Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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