You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
