So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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