When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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