they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
