Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
