Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
