You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
