its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
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90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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