he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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