found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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