Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
