U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
