thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
tell me about the eggs
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