I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
